When I Realized I am His Mommy
I remember crying to another friend who had an older child about daycare. “I am afraid Buckner won’t know I am his mommy.” While I have since learned that motherhood is an emotional journey no matter what stage you are in, those first few months are particularly full of emotion.
My friend smiled a comforting smile. She had been there and knew exactly what I was feeling. She stopped in the middle of the busy post office to reassure me that everything was going to be fine. That no matter who was in Buckner’s life, he would always know that I am his mommy.
Fast forward to three years later and today, my best part of the day is when I am picking up my child at the end of the day and he sees my car pull into the pick up line. The biggest smile comes across his face and he starts jumping up and down as he waves frantic with excitement. My friend was right….no matter how we working mamas have to leave our littles each day to go to work, they know who their mamas are!
Here is a previous post from my former blog from that time period three years ago:
Strange title I know. Didn’t I realize I was his mommy the moment I conceived? Or at least when I delivered him? Didn’t I realize I was his mommy the moment his sweet little face turned up to mine in the hospital room? What about all the 3am feedings? And don’t forget the giggles, the cuddles and all the milestones that have occurred in the last six months. Didn’t I realize I was his mommy then?
The answer is yes. I felt that instant bond the moment he was born and I have only managed to fall in love with him more and more every day. I have felt like a mommy every day and have loved every moment of my new role in life. But the other day, a simple and sweet moment happened causing the beautiful gravity of who I am to him to set in.
I walked in to the nursery room at the end of the day like we do every weekday evening. Lately, he has been smiling a lot when I walk in as he sees me. That particular afternoon, he saw me as I was walking in. My little guy instantly lit up. He was smiling and kicking his legs as if to say, “Mommy! You are here!” I immediately ran over to him and scooped him up to give him lots of kisses. He looked so happy. Then it happened…the moment I realized I mean the world to him.
The teacher said let me change him before you go and I handed Buckner off as I turned to gather all his stuff to go home. My little guy usually goes to the teachers without any fuss but he turned quickly to see where I was going. Then as she laid him down on the changing pad, he pushed into a back bend stretching his little head as far as he could as he looked for me. He was getting upset because he thought I was leaving. He whimpered when he couldn’t see me.
I stopped gathering stuff and walked over there to let him know I wasn’t leaving without him. He calmed down when I stood beside him. My heart was so happy as the reality hit how much my baby boy loves me and how I have the ability to comfort him. I am not just Casey anymore but I am forever my baby boy’s mommy. After his diaper was changed, he was back in my arms and all was right with the world.