Slow Down Mama. We Aren’t Robots.
I cried standing over an unfolded pile of bath cloths on Sunday. Yes, the bath cloths made me cry. Amazing how something as simple as laundry can be that final poke that makes you fall. The tears only lasted a few moments. Honestly, I don’t think my husband or son even noticed. The bath cloths moment was one of many tearful or frustrating moments Sunday. I was extremely emotional all day for some reason. I just could not get out of a funk. I guess it was a combination of so many things like the bath cloths, the dishes in the sink, the Monday prep that still had to be done, and the ticking away of the weekend. All of it was piling higher than the laundry and I was quick to lose my patience which made me feel guilty. I knew the next day I would have to take Buckner back to school and spend five days doing the 8:00 to 5:00 schedule without him. Cue the tears again. I was in a never ending vicious cycle of emotions on Sunday.
Adding to my frazzled state was my three year old acting like…well, a three year old. His little hands touched everything off limits and he responded with a defiant attitude when I told him no. I was tired. The work week had worn away on me and I had a 1,002 things I wanted to accomplish during the weekend. I knew not to make my list too ambitious because whenever I have an extensive to-do list I tend to get extremely stressed. The perfectionist in me kicks in. I get selfish wanting to get my stuff done and I get cranky when I can’t get it done. In a calmer state, I wondered why I get so upset about getting my stuff done. Do you want to know what I am talking about when I say my stuff? Housework! I am getting cranky because the house isn’t clean. Isn’t that sad? I want the house comfortable so that I can enjoy time with my family which kind of defeats the purpose when I get snappy. How do I let go of the perfection? Did I just hit a bad weekend? Do I need to rest more? Do I need more stuff for me so I can be a better mom?
My mind was filled with all these thoughts as day turned into night. Sunday evening as we tried to put Buckner down to sleep for the fifth time, he said he needed to potty. “I’m a wobot (robot)” he said as he followed me into the bathroom. Irritated and tired, I just wanted him to potty so we could get back to the couch and sit. I turned around to see the cutest face grinning at me with pure childlike happiness. “I’m a wobot mommy! Wobot! Wobot!” He said as he walked around with stiff legs tittering back and forth like a robot. He was still grinning at me after my day of being crazy. My heart broke a little bit as I saw his cute face staring up at me. “Did he get cuter?” I wondered. The guilt voice kicked in even more as I heard, “How did you waste a day with this precious boy? You weren’t in the moment. You were overwhelmed. Stop thinking about the waste of the day now and laugh, be silly.” But I didn’t laugh, instead I just smiled at him. I was tired. Really tired. And that was okay. We are human and we are all doing the best we can. Sometimes we need those days of crazy to have a cleansing moment for our spirits to refocus.
We Aren’t Robots
I refocused and my moment of clarity came to me on Monday night when I walked into a house that was mostly clean but still slightly cluttered. I saw all kinds of chores facing me that night and did not know how I would get it all done. I didn’t want a repeat of Sunday because I wanted to enjoy the evening with my family. A simple thought came to me, “Is it a solution to get upset about not getting everything done?” Simple thought but it clicked with me. Getting upset doesn’t help. So I changed my attitude, stepped over some toys and closed the doors to the laundry room to better ignore the pile. I didn’t get anything productive done Monday night but I was in a much better mood and enjoyed my evening. I will have those emotional moments again. We all will. We never hit a point when everything is okay all the time because that isn’t life. As long as we keep trying our best and making damn sure our families know how much we love them then we are okay. Buckner let me know he was fine as he grinned up at me saying, “I’m a wobot!” But remember us mommies aren’t robots. We succeed and fail. We cry and laugh. We snap and sigh. We hug and kiss. We break down over bath cloths! Just give it your best every day – a good reminder for me that I am sharing with you!